I stole this shamelessly from another blog, but they stole it from somewhere else so I don't feel too badly. Some of these have already happened to us, some I pray never will...
You know you’ve been in China too Long When...
- You start cutting off large vehicles on your bicycle.
- You go to the local shop in pajamas.
- You think squat toilets are more sensible.
- You think “white pills, blue pills, and pink powder” is an adequate answer to the question “What are you giving me, doctor?”
- You cannot say a number without making the appropriate hand sign.
- You eat at exactly the same time every day, whether you are hungry or not.
- You would rather text someone than actually meet to talk ‘face to face’
- You honk your horn at people because they are in your way as you drive down the sidewalk.
- You regularly fumble for five minutes to find 2 jiao despite 10 people waiting in line behind you.
- When shopping at Carrefour some foreigner stares you down for catching you looking into his basket while you wonder to yourself what foreigner's eat.
- You forget that the other person needs to finish speaking before you can start.
- You burp in any situation and don’t care.
- You start to watch CCTV (Central China Television).
- In the rain, you spot a vacant taxi which is 10 minutes away and you have already planned how you are going to jump out with great enthusiasm in the road, elbow everyone else trying to claim it, and wave your hands everywhere in a ‘look at me I’m a goal keeper’ kind of fashion.
- The footprints on the toilet seat are your own.
- You no longer wait in line, but go immediately to the head of the queue.
- You stop at the top or bottom of an escalator to plan your day.
- It becomes exciting to see if you can get on the lift before anyone can get off.
- You accept the fact that you have to queue to get a number for the next queue.
- You accept without question the repair man’s analysis that your water heater is “Broken” and that it will cost you a lot of money to get it “Fixed”.
- You find that it saves time to stand and retrieve your hand luggage while the plane is on final approach.
- You can shake your hands almost perfectly dry before wiping them on your trousers, or you have your suits made with terrycloth pockets.
- You regard traffic signals, stop signs, and copy watch peddlers with equal disdain.
- You have developed an uncontrollable urge to follow people carrying small flags.
- When listening to the pilot prove he cannot speak English, you no longer wonder if he can understand the air traffic controller.
- You regard it as part of the adventure when the waiter correctly repeats your order and the cook makes something completely different.
- You have more knick-knacks than your grandmother.
- You are not surprised when three men with a ladder show up to change a light bulb.
- You talk about China before there were so many foreigners here.
- You think western clothing is very plain.
- Everything you are wearing was purchased in China.
- You convert prices in your home country to CNY to figure out what the price is.
- People ask you where you are from and you say the Chinese city where you live.
- Your English has a Chinese accent.
- You drink powdered coffee or tea.
- You get offended if the waitress brings you a fork.
- Hot tap water is your beverage of choice in the winter.
- You carry an umbrella in sunny weather.
- You like ankle hose with sandals and a skirt.
- You think Great Wall wine is not actually that bad.
- You add 7-up to your wine.
- You consider not buying diapers for your children.
- You hear someone say “laowai” and look around not realizing he/she is talking about you.
- You can’t remember how to drive a car.
- You like rice for breakfast and eggs for dinner.
- Your Chinese friends ask you to bargain for them.
- You don’t look before you cross the road.
- You talk to strangers while you are using the bathroom.
- You have never heard of any of the new English songs at KTV.
- You get excited about mid-autumn festival but forget about Halloween.
- You write the date yyyy/mm/dd when you sign your name on English documents.
- You think of months in terms of 1-12 instead of Jan-Dec.
- You don’t think it’s weird to speak to other westerns in Chinese.
- You have a stock pile of deodorant and other western luxuries (because you don’t know when you’ll go back).
- You know why Qingdao beer is spelled TsingTao and think it’s odd other people can’t pronounce it.
- You make fun of Chinese people who speak funny Mandarin.
- Before asking someone’s age, you ask what animal they are.
- You start picking at other people’s dinner plates before they even offer you a taste.
- You eat family style at any and all restaurants, Chinese or not.
- You don’t have to speak to taxi drivers. Every cab in town has taken you home at least once, so they all know where you live.
- It seems entirely sensible to take a cab across town for 12 yuan in each direction to buy something that costs 4 yuan.
- You have absolutely no sense of traffic rules.
- You invite friends over for dinner, and serve thousand year old eggs as a starter.
- You buy a round trip air ticket in China.
- You no longer need tissues to blow your nose.
- You think singing KTV on Friday nights is fun.
- Other foreigners seem foreign to you.
- You consider McDonald's a treat.
- You ask how much people are making and expect people to answer.
- You talk louder than is necessary.
- You are the last of your first group of friends still in China.
- You prefer using chopsticks.
- Your body no longer needs dairy products.
- You think Yangshou is a nice place for a holiday.
- The last time you visited your mother, you gave her your business card.
- You start to enjoy the taste of bai jiu.
- You go back home for a short visit, get in a car and start giving the driver directions in Chinese.
- You have to pause and translate your phone number into English before telling it to someone.
- Your idea of a larger home is an extra 10 square meters.
- You wouldn’t think of buying any appliance that doesn’t come in lime green.
- When looking out the window, you think “Wow, so many trees!” instead of “Wow, so much concrete!”
- You seriously contemplate putting bathroom tiles on the outside of your house back home.
- You can swear in 3 different dialects.
- Pollution, what pollution?
- You notice you’ve forgotten how to tie shoelaces.
- You start wearing long thermal underwear on October 1st no matter what the temperature is.
- You stop wearing long thermal underwear on May 1st no matter what the temperature is.
- You stop enjoying telling newcomers to China ‘all about China’.
- Your dishes in the sink are growing things because the ayi has been off all weekend.
- You develop a liking for corn flavoured ice cream.
- You think the best part of TV is the commercials.
- You think that you can impress foreigners by drinking Budweiser.
- You see three people on a scooter and figure there’s room for two more.
- There are more things strapped to your cycle than you ever put in a car.
- Firecrackers don’t wake you up.
- Your family stops asking when you’ll be coming back.
- You wear out your vehicle’s horn before its brakes.
- People who knew you when you first arrived don’t recognize you.
- You leave the plastic on all new purchases.
100. The shortest distance between two points involves going through an alley.
101. People who haven’t seen you for months don’t ask where you’ve been.
102. Chinese remakes of Western songs sound better than the originals.
103. You find yourself saying, “Oh geez, not ANOTHER Year of the Rat!”
104. You get homesick for Chinese food when away from China.
105. It becomes a tradition that at least part of Christmas dinner is stir-fried.
106. Other foreigners give you a funny look when you tell them how long you’ve been here.
107. You realize that smiling and nodding is Chinese body language for, “Go away & leave me alone.”
108. Metal scaffolding at construction sites seems much more dangerous than bamboo scaffolding.
109. The Lunar Calendar ALWAYS takes precedence.
110. Pizza just doesn’t taste right unless there’s corn on it.
111. It’s been at least 18 months since you used the word “tacky” to describe anything.
112. All the top-level government officials you befriended for guanxi purposes when you first arrived are retired and living in your country.
113. After being in an accident, you tell the ambulance driver which hospital to take you to.
114. None of CNN’s “China Experts” have been here as long as you.
115. You salt your fruit.
116. Household furnishings are arranged for optimal feng-shui.
117. You can make elevators go faster by boarding first and taking over the controls.
118. You think of ‘salad’ as diced apples in mayonnaise
119. You don’t recognise a bowl of chicken soup unless there’s feet and a head in it.
120. You don’t bother to take the sticker off the lenses of your fake Ray-Bans.
121. In the summer, you roll the legs of your pants up to your knees whenever you sit down.
122. You only wear a suit when you dig ditches or do home repairs.
123. You have a purse and you are male.
124. You walk backwards in the park listening to a transistor radio.
125. You go to the hospital at the first signs of a cold.
126. You don’t notice your gastrointestinal problems anymore.
127. You draw characters on your hand to make yourself understood.
128. Your handshake is weakening by the day.
129. You would never think of entering your house without first removing your shoes.
130. You can’t put a proper sentence together in your native language.
131. You aren’t aware that one is supposed to pay for software.
132. Drilling on the walls in the wee small hours in the morning is considered acceptable behaviour.
133. You compiled a 3-page list of weird English first names that Chinese people of your acquaintance have chosen for themselves.
134. Your collection of business cards has outgrown your flat.
