The Easy Button

I know it’s Office Depot (not a hardware store), but I couldn’t help thinking that there needs to be one here.  B&Q has been the closest thing so far that I could find.  It’s a hardware store on the scale of a Lowe’s or Home Depot.  I’m finally getting around to hanging some of the things we’ve purchased and found that I needed a few items.  The sea shipment has been stuck in Shanghai for 2 weeks with no end in sight, so I figured I would not wait on the much needed items it brings.  I also discovered that every wall in the house is concrete with a thin veneer of dry wall, so every picture becomes a bigger annoyance to hang…

On a sunny, beautiful day in Suzhou (wish I could say clear, but the smog said otherwise) I headed off by myself.  I figured I would also take another stab at Auchan without the kids just to poke around a bit.

B&Q was pretty nice and I found most of what I was looking for.  Not much to report on except that people kept leaning over my basket to see what I could possibly be buying.  I also grabbed a shot of the cook out section, which I thought people would find interesting.  What you see in the bottom picture is the largest outdoor cooking section I’ve seen in any store in China.  The grills are in the boxes on the shelf.  This almost made me cry despite the beautiful weather.  Guess I’ll be bringing back a few loads of wood in a checked bag next time I’m in the States.

Auchan was across the street so I strolled over, doing my best to appear as though I knew what I was doing and where I was going.  I wandered around the shops out front and turned the corner to enter the store.  It was every bit as busy as the last time we went.  I turned around and left.

Bizarre Foods / Three Sheets Update

I can’t say I wasn’t warned about dinners out…

Last night we celebrated a work related goal by taking the entire plant out to eat (actually half the plant was last night, the other half tonight).  Everyone came in from their day off to meet at the restaurant.  I was told to expect to have to give a speech and I read in one of the numerous “So You’re Moving to China” books that you will be tested with alcohol.  By tested, I mean college level fraternity testing.

Let me digress first to say that everything a foreigner does is noticed here.  The way I hold my chopsticks was commented on by the cleaning lady at work.  How much you know about Chinese culture is noticed.  If you’ll eat the duck’s blood is noticed (and what face you made).  I figured how you act when hammered would be noticed too…

The meal started off well when I heard we were going to eat at a hot pot restaurant (kind of like really cool fondue where you pick out raw foods to cook in a boiling broth in front of you).  I love hot pot.  This place was all-you-can-eat-and-drink where you can pick out any food you want:  meatballs, fish, sliced mutton, pig brain, stomach, mushrooms, live shrimp you fish out of a tank, etc.  For the squeamish readers this place is so massive that you can definitely find something to suit you, no problem.  All that for under $15 apiece!

My “problem” is that I always find myself next to one of the most adventurous eaters in China!  This man has introduced me to such delicacies as chicken feet, duck’s blood, duck tongue, jelly fish, turtle stew, and last night pig brain (no flavor but the texture was off putting, like eating a spoonful of extra thick mayonnaise).  I love the guy.

Also, people kept coming up for a toast with me, one where you are expected to drain your glass.  Thankfully the glasses were only about 4 oz.  After a few of these mini-chugs, I noticed that I was seeing the same people come up and they were all sitting at a table with each other (yeah, the maintenance guys).  I figured I needed to do something! I went over to their table, demanded they get bigger glasses (in my limited Chinese I was able to piece together that they had little boy cups), and then made them all drink at once with me.  As I headed back to my seat, one of the ladies from the production floor gave me a golf clap.  If only she knew it was a defensive move, not a show of international good will.

Thankfully I outweigh everyone in the building by at least 40 lbs, which is probably the only reason I was able to man up to defend the good ‘ol U.S. of A.  It was actually pretty tough because there is that “one of the guys” line that you don’t want to cross here, which I think I was able to avoid doing.  I’m also not that much of a drinker, it’s been over ten years since I’ve had that much to drink.  Today I got compliments on my big stomach (for beer) and that I am “already Chinese”.  The legend (and my stomach) grows…

Below are some pictures for your viewing pleasure.

Massage Mania

As I mentioned, Rebecca recently went through a series of massages:  Mani/ Pedi, foot, full body, back.  The grand total probably adds up to about what a 1 ½ hour massage costs in the States.  We’ve decided that the foot massage is the favorite between us, mainly because the fully body massage was a tiny more full body than we anticipated.  While not a massage that would be illegal in the States, or violates our marriage vows, it was decidedly more invasive than either of us really cared for.  Apparently our buttocks have muscles down in there...

Also, there was definitely a focus on chi lines, more so than the Swedish style that I now realize I prefer.  This was unlike the foot massage, where they really get to the business of making sure your flesh has been kneaded like bread dough.  The full body massage was more like a heavy rub down.  Anyway, I was glad to see that I wasn’t asked if I wanted to order “off the menu”, or even offered the other menu, which I’ve heard is quite prevalent here.  Thankfully, this massage parlor appears to be just that!!!

This week it’s back to business as usual.  Although, I asked Rebecca what she wanted to do for date night and she looked at me like I was crazy for even asking if she wanted to do anything other than go for a massage…

Metrosexuals in the Making

Those of you who were hoping to get an update on the massage extravaganza for Rebecca will have to wait.  Mainly, because it’s not over!  We signed up for a discount card and they told Rebecca to come back today for a free foot or back massage.  This is getting out of control!

Anyway, I’m sure some of you are anxiously awaiting the results of our second trip to the Fashion Salon (yes, there really are no barbers here).  Saturday I needed Rebecca’s help to wrangle all of them into the shop and get them set up.  She took Ro, and I had the other 2 on either side of me in our chairs.  This time I was prepared with hand signals to indicate what “not too short” means.  To be honest, I practiced them because I didn’t really want the scalping I had last time even though I have doubled my normal 2 week cycle.

Some of you may be asking why I didn’t just ask around and find a place where people spoke English.  I have two reasons:  I wouldn’t have anything to write about if I just went to American places and (mainly) they were so good with the kids last time that they have already earned my loyalty.  Somewhere in there is a lesson about good service versus delivering what the customer wants, but I’ll try not to over analyze it.

So there we were, getting our shampoos and chair massages when I noticed that Riley was actually enjoying his scalp massage because it felt good, not just because it was weird.  Also, this time while my hair was being shampooed in the chair, the woman cleaned my ears for me.  Bizarre, I know.  But they are now the cleanest they have been in years and I think Rebecca has noticed something different, but probably can’t put her finger on why I look and smell so good now.

I’m getting my shoulder massage and I sense that I am perhaps more tense than I should be thinking about my upcoming critical conversation that would determine how I would look for the next month or so.  Our stylist Jack finishes up Reid (who looked very good) and got his stuff staged around me.  Squaring himself behind me he looks at me in the mirror and says “So, do you want the same hair style, just a trim?”  Dumbfounded, I replied “yes”.  There goes all my hard work practicing when all along I just didn’t know Jack!

All in all the process took about 1 ½ hours and the boys were looking quite refreshed afterwards; although Rebecca was ready to get out of there because she had a massage set up with some friends waiting for her.  I received one of the top 10 haircuts of my life and am again awed at how meticulous they are for a total bill of just over $20. 

Below are a few pictures of the boys as they get pampered.

Becky’s B-Day(s)

Undoubtedly the person who most deserves a day off is mom.  The boys and I get to go to great school and work environments where people speak English and treat you like you are special all day long.  Rebecca’s transition is probably better explained by the “Lesson Learned”, “Target Withdrawal” and “Our House” blogs.  Couple that with her separation from her much-beloved family members and suffice to say, she deserves all the pampering I can afford.  Thankfully, pedicures and massages are about 20% of the price you pay in the States.

All that being said, Monday is her birthday and her loving husband has manned up and agreed to let her go on a series of stress relieving massages.  Today she started with a pedicure at the massage parlor with another expat mom.  Tonight is date night with me back at massage parlor (I know, I know, the things I do for love).  Tomorrow is going with another friend of hers while they show a new-to-Suzhou mom where to get a good foot massage, back at the massage parlor.  I will post the “Real Housewives of Suzhou” update Monday after her weekend is through, hopefully she will still be able to move come Sunday.

Also, I’ve noticed my hair is now “longer” and I must do something about that.  I guess I should get my haircut once a month whether I need it or not.  Hopefully I’ll be able to say “not too short” in Mandarin by tomorrow…

Antique Market Update

Come to find out I did OK at the market for a lǎo wài (foreigner)!  Today one of my coworkers (CW hereafter) noticed the dragon boat I purchased and asked me about it.  I made him tell me what it said on the sails first before I got into how much I was gouged, which is what he was really after. 

Apparently the piece is very good for business, so Rebecca’s rejection of it as home décor was maybe appropriate after all.  The sails say something to the affect of good fortune, wind behind you at all times, make a lot of money, safe return, etc., etc., etc.  There was a sticker on the bottom, which I then asked him to read because I figured it said a little more about the piece.  Here’s the abridged transcript of the conversation:

CW:  “It says it’s made of a certain metal.  Oh, this is a fake!”

Me:  “I figured that, but why do you say so?”

CW:  “It says it’s from the Qing dynasty!”  (The last Chinese dynasty, ended in 1911, piece is supposedly from a period over 200 years ago)

Me:  “Excellent, I think it’s real.  I guess I’d better start locking the office!” 

CW:  “So how much did you pay for it?”

Me:  “Way too much I’m sure, but I look at it as an opportunity to learn my Chinese numbers, so I’m OK with overpaying a little.”

CW:  “So how much did you pay for it?”

Me:  “Tell me first how much you think you could get it for.”

CW:  “Hmm, maybe 100 to 300 RMB.”  ($15 to $45)

Me:  “So not bad after all!  I paid 200 RMB for it after the vendor told me the starting price was almost 1,000 RMB.”

CW:  “I could get it cheaper.”

Me:  (Hanging head) “I know.”

Happy Birthday Riley!

The honor of having the first birthday in China is Riley’s.  My man ended up doing pretty well as mom and dad planned ahead by purchasing the Lego set he really wanted and having it shipped over with the linens.  He also got some extra cash; he has been dying to purchase a set up where he can download unlimited games for his DSi.  He was also the recipient of the first piece of mail we’ve received; great job Grandma and Daddy Mac on the card selection!  Throughout the weekend we’ve heard the rock ballad “We will Rock You”, or as Rowan calls it: “Stomp, Stomp, Clap”, belted out from the musical card they sent.

His best new buddy also had a birthday this month and we actually got to go to his party in the evening.  His friend is from Mexico and it was the first time where I heard Spanish and English as the dominant languages since moving here.  It was also pretty cool to hear the kids sing “Happy Birthday” in English, Chinese and then Spanish.  I didn’t take any pictures at the party, just the ones below of Riley enjoying the Legos and Rowan hamming it up. 

I do wish that I had taken one of all of the curious Chinese children that crowded around to try to see what was going on when we did the piñata.  Having not watched years of crotch whacking on America’s Funniest Home videos, they didn’t understand the risks involved like an American father does…